You don't have to divorce your mom just to marry your love!
Often the Mother of the Bride (and sometimes the groom!) is the most emotional person in the room. Managing her needs not just the day of, but all the way through the planning process is something wedding planners have a ton of experience doing.
- "You have to use the same caterer your father and I did!" (even though it's been 30 years.... they're probably still totally on point, right?)
- "You don't need a NEW wedding dress! You should take my wedding dress... and have it re-made to fit you!" (The balloon sleeves from the 80s are fine! Just move some buttons around...)
- "People have to have CAKE! No cupcakes, macaroons, and candy! I had a 5 tiered cake for MY wedding.. people loved it!" (Oh, and grandma's cake topper from the 50s? For SURE!)
- "What do you mean you're getting married at the top of the mountain? What will the priest say?" (...but my fiance's Jewish... and the church doesn't recognize my same sex marriage?! and we LOVE Vail weddings!)
- "Fall colors? Wedding flowers should be WHITE!" (What, so my bouquet can blend completely in to my dress?)
- "You want to play WHAT music?! You have to play piano music at dinner!" (...SIGH...)
- "I bought another dress... just in case the four fittings I've had for my first two choices don't quite fit me after I've lost all my winter weight... You know..." (The winter weight from 2005? Mom, you've been a size 14 since I was in middle school.)
How do I manage my 'MOB's at my weddings... Well, here you go. Here's some advice that will help you through it... and let you AND your mother stay sane!
My first bit of advice is simple. COMMUNICATE. Your mom truly wants you to have a fabulous day! She's worried you'll make mistakes, have stress on your big day, and wish you had made different decisions. She IS concerned about your happiness and well being. She is just trying to help you get the most out of the experience in the best way she knows how.
- Talk about the budget up front... make sure you know what she wants to spend (assuming she's paying for this big ole day!) and be respectful of it.
- BEFORE you book anything (except maybe a wedding planner) - Sit down with all your major players - moms, dads, fiancee, etc... and come up with a list of the most important things to all of you. Figure out what those non-negotiable line-items are before you get too deep. That way you can predict things as they come up! If she absolutely MUST have cake - and you and the fiancee are gluten free - you'll know what the issues are before you get into a dessert throwing match at the bakery!
- Ask her how she's feeling. She's probably stressed about things from HER wedding 30 years ago... and doesn't even know it! Take her to happy hour, have a glass of wine - and TALK about it!
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